Hello New York

New York City - known for its bright lights, sky scrapers, and crappy public transportation, just like, well... every other big city out there. Go ahead, take a nice big breath! Breathe in all that fresh air mixed with the scent of roasted peanuts, bus exhaust, chicken grilling on Gyro carts, and let’s not forget the sewage. Ah, smells like… home.

But seriously, I love this city. I find it hard to envision myself living anywhere else. I’m a born and raised New Yorker, or as a bad actor would say, “I’m ah New Yorka,” [hawk – spit].

Since I’m being honest here, I have to admit that there are times I just want to pack my bags and hitchhike my way to the Amish Nation (not that there is such a thing) where I can ride around in buggies, churn milk, and run around in the grass all day long. Sigh…. Wouldn’t that be nice? I would never have to worry about a bad hair day again. Static making my hair look like I stuck my finger in an electrical socket? No problem – tie a scarf around my head. What’s that you say – I’ve gained a few pounds? No problem – this very roomy dress I’m wearing will camouflage those rolls nicely.

Maybe someday, but today, I live in New York City where elderly women ask me if I’m stupid because I dared to walk in front of them on the subway platform. Really lady, it’s barley 8:15 in the morning and you want to pick a fight with me? Sure, I’ve muttered a “dumb-ass” under my breath a few times when people annoyed me on the train, but at least I had the decency to keep the comment to myself. Who goes around picking fights that early in the morning? And here’s the thing about getting into an argument with the elderly – even if they are clearly in the wrong, you still come out looking like the jerk simply because they’re old. So for now, my brilliant plan is to just duck behind a much larger person whenever I see grandmas casting evil stares in my direction.